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<title>A Pilot Walks Into a Bar (or, Roughly One Week of Palpatine) by kira_khaleesi</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022474">A Pilot Walks Into a Bar (or, Roughly One Week of Palpatine)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kira_khaleesi/pseuds/kira_khaleesi'>kira_khaleesi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 00:48:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>660</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022474</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kira_khaleesi/pseuds/kira_khaleesi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Far removed from the war, a bartender in the Outer Rim is surprised to learn that Palpatine - yes that Palpatine - had returned from the dead.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Poe Dameron &amp; Original Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Pilot Walks Into a Bar (or, Roughly One Week of Palpatine)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>it's just silliness.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Stuvo has been a bartender on a backwater Outer Rim planet his entire life. The bar belonged to his father, and as a kid, Stuvo would help clean dishes and unload supplies at the shipyard. Stuvo has never left his planet, and has no desire to. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He has everything he needs. Recently married to Cora, his sweetheart of ten years, he couldn’t be happier. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Encountering strange folks from all corners of the galaxy is an occupational hazard for Stuvo, but he doesn’t mind. One might almost say it is his favourite part of bartending - luckily, in the years since the First Order rose to power, his planet has transformed into less of a backwater and more of an informal trading post. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The off-worlders are good for business. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>One afternoon, the bar is nearly empty aside from the regulars who seem to never leave, when a human male with olive skin and salt and pepper hair walks into the bar. The man is not really to Stuvo’s taste, but Liana - a regular - slurs that this man looks quite handsome. Stuvo supposes that is true, but shrugs his indifference. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As long as the man buys a drink and doesn’t break any furniture, Stuvo will be happy. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The man takes a seat across the bar from Stuvo, orders his drink and then downs in it one go.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Rough day?” Stuvo asks. If he can get the man making conversation, perhaps he’ll drink more or get hungry. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sighing, the man runs a hand through his thick curly hair. “Rough week actually, but it’s over now and I’m here to celebrate.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Stuvo raises his eyebrows. “Congratulations. What are we celebrating?” Stuvo pulls out a bottle from behind the bar and pours the man another drink.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The death of Palpatine!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Frowning, Stuvo wonders fleetingly if this man is on drugs. “Emperor Palpatine? From the Empire?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yep. The very same.” The man sips his drink.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Son, I hate to tell you this, but Palpatine is long dead. He got blown up on the second Death Star.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, that’s what we thought too. But then we got this transmission, and when we investigated it it turned out that it was him, back from the dead!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Stuvo frowns. “Sounds like a hoax if you ask me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Trust me, it was real, he was back.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you sure we are talking about the same guy? Wrinkly old sith lord? Lightning comes out of his fingers?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The man swallows, gulping down the last of his second drink. “The very same.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Stuvo decides to play along, and humour this man’s fantasy. “So what are you going to do about it?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ahh,” the man waves his hand around. “Don’t worry, we took care of it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Who’s we?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The Resistance!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Narrowing his eyes, Stuvo tries to understand what it is exactly this man thinks he has accomplished. “So...Emperor Palpatine, </span>
  <em>
    <span>the</span>
  </em>
  <span> Emperor, from the Empire, he was back. But he’s gone now?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” The man smiles.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But if he died before how do you know that he’s dead now?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We blew up his planet. Gimme s’more of that.” The man pours himself a third drink. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Riiiiight.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Not a minute too soon, Stuvo’s best friend and loyal customer Oona enters the bar, letting Stuvo leave the delusioned man to himself. Laughing, Stuvo recounts the story he had just been told by that man.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They laugh about the absurdity of the return of a dead man and the apparent success of vanquishing him once more. Surely if Palpatine had returned, Stuvo would have heard about it. Oona claps him on the back, and proceeds to tell a story about a dream he had as a child - his father was a secret Jedi! It was so vivid, little Oona had woken up convinced it was true. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Later that night, when the bar is closed up and Stuvo has returned to his quarters upstairs, he tells her he has a hilarious story to share.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Somehow, Palpatine has returned…”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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